August 26th, 2010
niceykels
After all these years, you’re the only person who made me feel this way. My world would stop for a couple of seconds whenever I see your name-either on my phone through your “patama” sms, or messenger from yahoo.
I’m aware of our reality. Even if I try to move it 360 degrees, things will never be the same. We know that we’re viewing the same sky even though we’re living in our separate worlds.
Maybe if we were in the right circumstances back then, our life would be different-most likely.
I just feel it odd. Really. Shits do come inevitably.
Even if you somehow screw me (i did love your worst, the way you did to me as well), I still can’t decipher why… Why I consider you as part of the elite list of special people in my life?
I wish you could read this… so that you could answer me straight to my face.
But having this second thought? Nah! I don’t want to be caught again and tag my status as “It’s Complicated ™”.
Way too better, I guess.
August 22nd, 2010
niceykels
“The best thing you can do for someone is to just exist-to be there when they suddenly realized that they need you right then.”
It was raining really hard when I got this sms. I got caught up and I felt this weird feeling towards this message. To ease out my mind, I replied to him and said, “hey. Musta? Any problems? 
”
Until now, I didn’t get any response from him. During my free time, I keep on reading and pondering what this person try to convey with his message. This is actually what I hate most-sending a ‘patama’ message to your receiver.
I know I have been blogging about him since 2007. We’ve gone through a lot of things yet, we can’t figure out what we’re doing wrong. Years had passed yet, he told me that he can’t get over ‘us’ even though he’s currently in a relationship. There were also times that I would feel the same, tell him about it and he will do the same thing as I did before. Funny thing here is we keep on denying each other whenever we were given that chance.
He was the only guy that my dad trusted a lot. I knew everything about him-so was he. He just acts naturally ‘him’ whenever he was with me.
I keep on thinking why he did that on his birthday last year. For some reason, I didn’t get angry at him. Although, initially-yes. Maybe if we were in good circumstances back then, I guess I might say ‘yes’ when he asked me to settle down with him.
Maybe I get used to him (as a friend) being casual to me after our break up. We decided to be friends and we still see each other every now and then. I’m not saying that I love him today. I wanted to know the reason behind his sms. After I declined him, he suddenly became aloof. He didn’t greet me on my birthday today nor talking to me when he’s online.
He just keep on sending those ‘patama’ messages-and I hate it!
August 17th, 2010
niceykels
I’ve been travelling a lot these days-not for leisure though. I was able to set foot on unknown places and it feels great every time I see my destinations. I feel more independent and braver of course.
According to Merriam, Independent means:
-not dependent: as a (1) : not subject to control by others : self-governing
I love being alone-I can also work in groups but I’d still prefer being myself. There. Tomorrow, another work week will start for me. Another challenge, new people, adjustments and I bet same shits. It feels like I was on a week vacation leave and here I go again, work.. work.. work.
Also, I guess I will be doing the original plan.
Work + Education = STRESS.
This is the sacrifice that I’ll be doing. Pretty disappointing having an argument with my mom early on. All along, I’ve been setting myself to have them on top of my priorities. Yet, hearing those fcuking comments really hurt me.
I’m fed up. I just wanted to leave and be on my own. I’ll let them pay everything-from water, electricity, internet, groceries.
I guess it’s my time to think for myself and do what I should be doing with my own money all along.
