When I arrived the place, I didn’t have the courage to look at him. Maybe because I know that the moment I will see his face, my tears will fall down voluntarily.

I was looking at his picture and the flag of our country. I’m seeing the lights and everything seems normal for me. Until I saw her as she tried to look at him, even if I don’t want to because I’m scared, I decided to be her crying shoulder as I saw her tears falling down in her cheeks.

She was venting out and I heard her saying this, “Bakit ganun? Sana pumunta nalang kayo nang maaga aga para ma appreciate pa niya yung pagpunta niyo. Hindi ngayon, hindi na niya kayo mapapasalamatan.” I heard that most of our relatives (even the ones that I don’t know personally) will drop by and be visiting him.

I just hugged her and as expected, I broke down the moment I saw my grandfather lying in the coffin. I saw my auntie Cathy tried to pacify her as we cried on his coffin. My mom gave us tissue to wipe out our tears and tried to calm us down.

I wanted to tell him how much I love him and I’m very grateful to have him as my grandfather. Although I know it’s too late but I know in my heart, he will always be here. Every time I think of his memories whenever I’m alone, I just can’t help but be sober.

It’s really hard for me not to cry every time I remember him- especially when I’m alone.

I’ll be missing you, tatay. I love you.

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